


My Struggle - Part 3

by you_and_me_mulder



Category: The X-Files
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-24 17:26:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14958921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/you_and_me_mulder/pseuds/you_and_me_mulder
Summary: She’s a tiny thing, a sprite of a girl, all skinny arms and legs in her denim overall shorts and pink rain boots. Her hair is a deep auburn, pulled into two pigtails, shiny and rich from the baby keratin. It will dull with age, like her mother’s, but at four years old it is lustrous in the sun as she runs over to her parents.





	My Struggle - Part 3

She’s a tiny thing, a sprite of a girl, all skinny arms and legs in her denim overall shorts and pink rain boots. Her hair is a deep auburn, pulled into two pigtails, shiny and rich from the baby keratin. It will dull with age, like her mother’s, but at four years old it is lustrous in the sun as she runs over to her parents.

She plops herself down on her knees on the picnic blanket, boots tucked under her, giggling. “Daddy, are you done now?!” 

Mulder chuckles, and pulls lightly on a tail. “Almost, kiddo.”

Mulder’s hair is nearly fully gray, and his hooded eyes are darker and wrinkled with age. His body is softer too, Scully notes and huffs to herself. He’s still beautiful. 

The little girl wrinkles her nose and falls backwards on the blanket with a groan. There’s a light smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose and cheeks, and in the sunlight Scully can see her eyes are the exact shade of Mulder’s. She has his pout, too. “Daddy, I’ve been waiting forever already and I don’t wanna wait forever more.” 

“Not forever more, but at least a few minutes until my food is digested, squirt.” He bloats out his stomach and cheeks, eliciting a giggle. 

Scully stretches on the blanket and looks around, basking in the beautiful day. The unremarkable house looks subtly remarkable, with fresh white paint, black shutters, and ferns hanging on the front porch. There’s a pink and purple playhouse peeking between the new porch slats. Mulder finally replaced the roof, she notes. It looks like a happy home. 

The little girl is up and running towards the back yard when Mulder calls after her. “Hey, not too far! Stay where you can see us, Grace!”

The name bounces through Scully’s head, both surprising and familiar. Grace Katherine Mulder comes back to her. Mulder insisted on Katherine when she was born with soft, downy red hair, she recalls, like a repressed memory. She was premature, and he said she needed the strength of his favorite small fighter. 

Grace came from her. “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith, and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God,” she remembers. Faith alone got her through many of those early days, leaning on it harder than she ever had before. The double entendre of the scripture was not lost on her. 

“I think my time is up. Her highness beckons,” Mulder says with a lazy grin. Scully smiles back at him and he leans in for a kiss. She smirks as he groans and pushes up to standing and stretches his back. Grace appears at his side and bounces happily at his feet.

“Come on up, spider monkey,” he lifts her easily off the ground with one arm and onto his back. Her giggling follows the pair as they jog over to a disc swing on a long rope hanging from a branch. Scully shades her eyes and surveys the ridiculously long rope nervously. Mulder pulls the girl off his back and sets her on the swing. He walks her backwards until she’s at his shoulder and Scully’s worry turns to outright concern. 

“Mulder! That’s way too—-“ She’s cut off by Grace’s hysterical, infectious squealing. The child’s arms are wrapped around the rope, hands clinging to it for dear life, as she swings away from her father. Scully’s certain Grace is equal parts terrified and elated, and mostly safe. She hears Mulder laughing behind the girl, and relents. She’s laughing along with them, relaxed and nearly carefree. 

The moment is too much and Scully startles awake, feeling hurt. It isn’t her pain, but just the same she’s frozen in place on her side, staring at Mulder sleeping beside her, with her heart pounding and she struggles to process the familiar feeling. It’s reminiscent of a nightmare, but markedly different. She suddenly remembers another bed, being frozen in place. _Jackson._

 _Oh my god._ Scully starts to panic, nauseated by the overwhelming grief that hits with the memory. 

“Shit, this isn’t how I meant for this to go,” she hears his unfamiliar voice in her head. “I’m making it worse.”

The voice is gone just as quickly. She is still unable to move, to wake Mulder. His laughter, then Grace’s laughter returns, though she can’t see them anymore. 

_I’m having a nervous breakdown._

She hears her voice in her ears: “Is this a message for me, or am I sending a message to you?”

There’s a flash of a pier, her clinging to Mulder in the night. The perspective is wrong - she’s in the water watching them, and it dawns on her. _He was in the water..._

“Will—Jackson?!” she whispers, shocked.

There’s a silent pause and the memory is gone. “This one is a message from me,” he says. “I’m sorry I got you involved. I hurt everyone and I never should have reached out to you. I heard......you. I thought this could help you, could make up for.....everything.”

_It wasn’t a dream._

He chuckles, and she grimaces at the sound, it’s so like Mulder. “No, not a dream. If I concentrate hard enough, I can get a few minutes at a time, you know, the future.” 

The dream has quickly become an afterthought. “You’re alive,” she chokes, tears welling. “Please let us help you.”

“I can’t. I hurt everyone, don’t you see?” He pauses, and she stifles a sob. “If I find a way that won’t put anyone in danger, I will find you, okay?” 

The little girl’s laughter returns and she hears Jackson. “Hold onto that, ok? For you and me.”

The room goes silent and her body slackens into the mattress. Scully inhales sharply at the release, and grips the bedsheets to steady herself. Mulder’s eyes pop open and he jumps up onto his elbow. “Whoa, hey, Scully??” He brushes her hair back from her face and she looks up at him. “You all right? What happened?”

She grabs his shirt and pulls him to her. “Hey, I’m here, I’m right here,” he murmurs in her ear, pulling her in even tighter. “You want to talk about it?”

She breathes in deeply, resting against his chest and feels herself start to relax. “No,” she murmurs shakily into his shirt. “Not yet.” 

She looks up at his face, still clutching tightly to him, eyes shining through the tears. “But Mulder, I think we’re going to get through this.” 

She offers a small, reassuring grin, and he sees the fear and guarded hope in her eyes. He doesn't push, just kisses her head and thanks her God for whatever has provided this momentary reprieve for her.


End file.
